Thursday, January 20, 2011

Listening to the call

I have always been sensitive to the gentle nudge on my heart, the quiet prompt that let's me know which way I should go, I call it God, you can call it whispers, or the universe, or your heart...whatever makes you comfortable.
The results of listening have taken me to places in my life I could have never dreamed possible for me.

So here I am, happily taking my little break from "work" skipping through life going along my merry comfortable way, and comfortable can be so good can't it? Unfortunately it only seems to hang out for so long before we have the chance to step out of our comfortable little bubble and take a risk or make a change, it just is, and any passionately creative person knows exactly what I there I am," la dee dah", and in walks the (perceived) party pooper...yep total bubble burster, I feel this really strong tug on my heart that I need to paint the stories of women- beautiful , strong, amazing women...NOW! 
Skeptical closed minded grumpy people may be saying "yeah whatever you just WANTED to paint some people...bla bla bla God, ya sure ( insert eye roll)"  
OK, those people may as well just stop reading right here cuz you're not gonna get me;
problem with this heart tugging thing is that my inner response was something like this "ME? no, sorry you have the wrong girl, I don't draw people, I don't draw anything that looks remotely rea,l in fact...I am just a silly doodler, sometimes a word art maker, and a messy fusser with paint that is all happy mish mashy...NOT a formally trained artist, nope not a maker of women, NOT NOT NOT"
But the thing about that quiet call that comes when we are really REALLY supposed to follow is that it doesn't just go away...I know this by now, but still I fight it, fight the unknown, fight the possibility of failure, I fight...
If only I would remember at the time that each time I have finally given in and listened to that quiet call on my heart a whole new world of possibility and potential has opened for me and for my family. But No, I am human ( remember just a silly doodler?) and so I forget and I fight it. 

Well I guess this was one of those things that I was supposed to do because although I pushed back again, when I finally gave in what has poured out has been truly an makes my heart sing. It has not come from me, not from anywhere I thought I had the potential to be, but from somewhere greater and bigger. And unbeknownst to me, I CAN draw these women...somehow I have it in me and I can. 
Of course there was NO WAY I was going to share this story I feel super duper vulnerable sharing all of this, and possibly even more vulnerable sharing the paintings I have been keeping mostly to myself. So let it be said right here and right now, if you think I am a quack I really don't wanna hear it, walk away and never look back.
This is my story and I LIKE IT!
 But if you can identify with me even a bit, I encourage you to listen to the call on your heart and shed all of the fears that can stand in the way.
Just BE FEARLESS, step out in faith and follow your own awesome journey, you may be surprised what come of it :)

Monday, January 03, 2011

A very honest return from some gentle time away

 Hi ( waving)
Grab a tea and sit with me, let's catch up.
Soooo, first let's just address the elephant in this vitrtual room; I haven't blogged for a year, I LEFT! 
Totally ditched you all.
Let me tell you, I needed to leave. 
I blogged for a long time, I blogged and I blogged and I blogged, and I wrote articles and I met deadlines, and I blogged on Creating Keepsakes website, and I met some more deadlines, I designed products and I filmed DVDs and I travelled the world sharing my heart... and I lived this phenomenal blessed dream like life. And so , I needed a break. I needed to think and re-group and find a new blance in all of the areas of my life that truly matter.

I needed to find a new balance that didn't leave any area of my life neglected, something that could work for me and my family, that would leave me revived and not feeling burnt out at the end of the day...not that I WAS stressed out and burnt out, but I do know that a person can only handle a crazy pace for so long. And crazy was just starting to feel long. Maybe some people can do it, and they seem to do it FANTASTICALLY, always running and meeting every expectation, handling everything that comes their way and doing it seamlessly. Buuuut anyone who knows me well KNOWS that I don't handle a thousand things at once and do them well LOL, or maybe at all, and definitely not on time...BLAHHH! 
I always like to think that it has something to do with the fact that I happen to be an incredibly laid back lover of life, that's just the way I am; really chilled out and happy to just be in the moment, treasure life, and enjoy it all. I felt like things had gotten to the crazy pace where I wasn't able to do that, where I wasn't getting in touch with my authentic self and finding those moments to take it all in and enjoy, I was just trying to keep up with everyone and everything. There was always something that needed my attention, always something that I had to get to and get done and get there on time, and so when blogging just became another TO-DO, became a burden then I knew I wouldn't be writing my best or truly be able to find the moments to share my heart, cuz in all honestly I wasn't getting much time to even know what my heart wanted to share! 
So for me, what's the point of that? I didn't start blogging to share my personal pity parties, or "hey today is just bla bla bla", I have never been all about quickly posting something just for the sake of writing it cuz I have to write something. I truly try and be authentic in everything I share, I won't tell you your haircut looks good if it doesn't, and I didn't want to sit here writing if it wasn't coming from my heart. 
So call it a sabbatical, a well deserved leave of absence from most of my "work" so it could become PLAY again. 
 As a family, we moved to the country, we are sooo  incredibly blessed and happy here, our pace has gone from a thousand miles a minute to ummm...about 2, possibly 1. We can walk everywhere we want to go, we spend more time outside, we spend more time just home together and I LOVE IT! Our community is fantastic. I was able to take the time to put on Art Camp for a few amazing girls and teach them all kinds of art journaling and expressive free art; they did a bunch of canvases and a little journal, and learned all of my favorite techniques! I have to say, they were probably better students than some adults I have taught...just ready to explore and I LOVED every second of it! I wouldn't have had the time to do that before, pulling back was awesome on so many levels. I've been Volunteering at the kids school A LOT and being able to be really involved there as they have made that transition to a new school and new friends. Getting to know who their friends are and what they are all about, showing them that their world is important to me. That matters SO much to me. I adore my little people and LOVE to be with them in their world... I totally want to be a kid when I grow up! We've been making our own connections here too, getting to know the great peeps in our new community. And I've had plenty of time for reconnecting with Cam without running off to get things done. Y'know, he leaves his job at 4:00 and comes home and it's done period, mine has always been different of course. But he deserves my undivided time, he's my best friend in the world, best most amazing guy EVER...seriously if everyone could have him for a husband they totally should, but I'm not sharing so. yeah, too bad. Time together is great on all of the above counts.
I have been SOOO revived by the wonderful adventures we have been on.
More to come on some of those later.

But first step back; I do say hello on facebook and twitter because it is fast and it's easy and I don't have to make sure there are edited photos etc. ( join me there if you havent yet!)
But, I LOVE blogging , and now I miss it,  and now I am ready to come back, and I know I am ready because every single day it has been driving me nuts that all of the buttons and backgrounds and headers etc. on this crazy blog have disappeared on me and left this space all naked and sad. 
I am itching at last to say more, to pour out and write and write and write again ( as you can see by this long winded sharing LOL) i know I am ready to come back because it doesn't feel like a chore anymore, like I HAVE to get it it; more like I can't wait to get to it! 
 I truly feel rested, feel like I have taken the time I needed to REFRESH and re-invent, and re-create who I am and come out with a whole bunch of new adventures, new wisdom, and a whole new outlook. 
I am peaceful, balanced and HAPPY.
And as far as blog world goes, my friends, I am back.

Cam is building me a wonderful new website, that I am very excited about. So whether this blog will stay here or move, who knows. He wanted me  to wait until that was ready to share again, but I just CAN'T! 
So  for now, here I am, all my archives are still here ( which is really fun to look way way back on when the girls were tiny, so glad to have that record of life and thoughts.)
Here's to today and cheers to tomorrow. 
I hope that you will enjoy all that I have in store for this place, hope you will enjoy watching it take shape again as I design some new buttons and try to bring the cozy back, I have some great ideas I can't wait to share and I hope you will take this journey of renewal with me.

I challenge you today to re-invent yourself just a little bit. 
You don't have to duck out for a year like I did, but just take one thing that is not fulfilling you, one thing that is not making you happy and CHANGE IT!
If it is weighing you down , cut it out, Give yourself a breath, Take a break for as long as you need to BREATHE, and possibly don't even put it back.
Try and take the quiet time to hear and follow where your heart needs to go, don't question it, just follow it.
You will be glad you did.